There is this deep loneliness within me.
it's in there....wayyyyyy down deep below
i try to dress it with smiles and laughter
....feed it ice-cream and warm sunshine...
tickle it with silliness daily.
Yet it stubbornly stays in its place
content to dwell in its darkness.
feeding from it's endless core.....
i dont question, taunt or bully it.
i just simply let it be.
i know it too well, after all.
for i gave birth to it many moons ago.
it is a part of who i am, no doubt.
the tortured artist within i suppose.
but even that label is too small for it's frame.
it mocks me when i try to hold it
it laughs at my clumsy attempt to manage it
and then digs itself deeper into burrows that i cannot reach.
i hope to someday dance with it in the moonlight
with Van Morrison leading us along romantically.
holding it up to the stars, to release it's weight.
allowing it's gorgeous restful wings to spread and reach.
one day, before im too old
and hopefully witnessed in full as the way i long to be
i can only hope for that.
i have promised to marry it and love it forever
if only it would give to me it's rope to climb down to
i tell it, 'i love adventure, challenge and the unknown~
let me come down!' - but it tells me, 'it is not you i wish to see.'
my mirrors tell me otherwise,
but there is a reflection of another in those mirrors as well
a strong being from long ago. proud. warrior-like. handsome.
who still rides upon his horse and protects me so.
i see him. i know he is there.
or is it this imagination of mine, again?
breathing this fairy tale of love lost in my mind...
either way ~ i don't mind.
for what longing i feel creates passions FAR greater than
imagination, or darkness!
and one day ~ my warriors & queens within will prevail.
i recognize my depths and
i recognize my sorrows
i recognize my truths
and all of my falsities surrounding.
What Beauty Comes From This Struggle
What Growth Comes From So Much Loss
What Being Would I Become
If I Did Not Look at These Truths?
I Search for Peace Within,
Always.
Gypcee
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