The Most Important Things I've Learned

Feb. 11th 2009 
In honor of my 38th birthday, 
i wanted to share with those of you: my friends, my family, those who have spent time with me, or the ones just getting to know me ~ i wanted to share with you the most important things i've learned thus far.
as i believe that life should be a daily quest to learn yourself, and the world better ~ i expect this list to be more profound with each coming year. but tonite, it is this:

i cant imagine a more colorful life as what i have known so far. actually, i totally can. i used to want to be raised in a circus and be 'angelique' the mysterious, dark and dangerous gypsy girl who would steal your heart and your wallet within one quick move of her fabulous hips. funny, i look back now and see that: a. i WAS raised in a circus b. maybe it wasn't wallets, but i sure stole some shit in my ghetto days! and of course....c. aside from the belly chains and caravan to travel in- i AM a total gypsy
i guess you get what you put out there, right?

and now i sit here tonite, pondering things.....
reflecting....
            reminising........
                                   smiling........
                                                   and I am simply, in one word: AMAZED.

amazed that i still can look myself in the eye, no matter how many times i fell, or have been knocked down, or just wandered off course....(both willingly and blindly). im still amazed that i can look at myself, dead in the eye and say: "i fuckin love you girl! im super stoked on who you are. and, (most importantly) i BELIEVE IN YOU! Still. Always. Forever!" 
thats huge. and so incredibly satisfying and fulfilling. (and inspiring!)

im amazed that i made it this far. i feel like i've just been in survivor mode for the last 20 years. everytime i think about all of the things i want/need/inspire to do and achieve, it just feels like i never have the time, or the finances, or the ability to do so. and yet- i am here now, 38 years old, and i really haven't even started it feels like! and the only thing that keeps going thru my head is what John Lennon said: ' life is what happens when you're busy making plans'. ain't that the truth! i know that in my heart, i chose to LIVE life. to spend time getting to know myself, and my daughter, and experience EVERYTHING around me as deeply and intensely as i could. and if the plans that i once wanted (and still do) never pan out- that's OK. cause i'm not stopping to look back. im just going forward......

i'm amazed that the reality and truth to raising a child, a GOOD, STRONG, WELL BALANCED child, lies in EXACTLY what i tapped into when i was 5 years old and realized that i was being raised in some serious shit. i knew then, and i know now that the ONLY way to evolve and move forward as a human race is to raise your children from LOVE. not so much for them (its a given that we all love our children), but for YOURSELF. and from the core of that self love, if you can convey compassion, patience, understanding, honor, values, integrity and infinite possibilities thru self expression and exploration - then you have succeeded as a parent. i knew the moment that i had my daughter that i had right then, at that moment, sacrificed the option of being a dysfunctional, selfish, and half-assed human being. and i am AMAZED that i pulled from within my core the knowledge, light and  insight to break all chains that bound me. if i never do another thing from this day forward on, i can proudly sit back with knowing that i did raise an amazing addition to this human race.

i am amazed that thru my endless search for connection, that i have found and been open to recieving some of the most incredible people and friends that i could have EVER asked for. i know that without them being witnesses and support systems to my growth, that i would NEVER have made it this far and remained at peace within. my life is NOTHING without those that love me. LIFE is nothing if you are alone and unloved! i know that each day that i share and spend time with those of you that understand i am talking about you...KNOW THIS: if i could sing sonnets, write poems, create art, inspire change, and bring laughter to your world everyday for the rest of our lives - i would. for YOU are what i think is probably the most important lesson i have learned out of all of this. You are so deeply weaved into each of the lessons above. and thru all that i have done, and all that i WILL do, know that without you to be there for me, none of it means anything. 
my friends are my lifeline. and when i wake tomorrow to receive happy birthday wishes from most of you, i know that me sitting here, right now, writing this to share with you all will mark the beginning of another year that I am more grateful for than you will ever know. 

i'm getting better with age. this i know. this i feel. and this is my quest. to be a better version of myself each and everyday. this is my dedication to the light that shines within me. the beacon that steers my soul and the waters that lead my ship.....
because the most important thing i've truly learned is MYSELF
and thru knowing and understanding and LOVING myself i can know you more and more.
This day is a good day for me. i am happy to be alive. and i am happy to have so more to learn.
O LUNGO DROM, as my gypsy saying goes..... THE LONG JOURNEY.....
continues.
LOVE and BE LOVE
~ angela



Comments

Carmela D'Amico said…
Beautiful. You are an inspiration, Angela.