open roads

it is often that i can see my roads ahead. it is more often that i cannot. the ones travelled, by choice at least - are the ones i look most closely at. i stop to smell the roses, to look at each and every detail, to look behind the bushes, and climb over the rocks. i've learned alot from my dog, too - who finds such wonder at smelling a single plant for like 5 minutes straight. and i've learned to just allow him that moment. afterall - it is his time, and i want him to enjoy his moments to their fullest. as i....

in short- i'm learning to take my time.which is the basis of this blog today.

as i am faced with many new obstacles, or roads per say, i am finding that there is a certain zen-like quality to my movements now. i break them apart, and look closely at each of them. taking my time to not overlook some vital element that will be of use, or growth for me. if i have learned one thing in my 37 years thus far- it is to expect the unexpected. i am a true believer of people coming into your life for reasons. whether it is one single shared moment over a counter at a convenience store, where i broke someones frown with a smile, or those 4 bottles of wine,late nite,mind-blowing talks where you feel like you've given birth to a new self.....a new outlook....

whatever the moment is- i embrace all new members into my world with an open mind and a (somewhat) open heart. So when someone enters from a new direction, a direction i've never travelled, or explored- i am even more intrigued. the newness often loses it's lustre after a short time, or maybe sometimes it takes years - but none the less- as a person fascinated by the human psyche and hell bent on figuring out what makes people who they are, i am intrigued. However, I am completely thrown off course when my tables are turned and i cannot figure out where to place someone in my world.

what i am learning of myself, today - is that i don't have to find placement right away. i don't have to see where they should fit in my perfectly non-perfect big world. the element of the unknown is actually much more fascinating and -sigh- easier to accept.

i am a changing force. i am growing and evolving each and every day. my heart is getting too big for my body and my mind more aware than ever. my eagerness to live this life as fully as i can possibly do to my utmost potential is what fuels my inferno within. my incredibly curious soul reaches for the stars where my spirit resides and freely soars, and yet my one thing that brings me to my knees at times, is LOVE. That endless search for the ultimate of emotions.

I am coming to terms at this point that my little so called search has turned up to date rather bogus results, which honestly stems from the fact that I am not the up-to-par explorer that I need to be yet. In order for me to find that motherload 'holy grail' called TRUE LOVE, I need to be a 100% true soul/searcher/self. Only then will the Universe provide what I am meant to share in and experience. On that note, let me close by saying that as LOVE looks me in the eye, I ask of it to wait patiently, while I mend the last of my wounds. Allow me the time and space to step into my new vibrant skin(s) that I have so delicately sewn....wait for me, while I finish these quests of self-growth, and truth. i am almost there. i can see you. i can feel you. i can touch you and taste you. i know you are here. and i am too.......just not quite ready, that's all.

watch as i smell these roses around me. let me go out and discover the scents of my world. i will return, enlightened and happy within -for i will have had the moment(s) to do so. i am nothing but love and light inside. and i want more than anything to share in that with kindred spirits. my roots have yet to find their soil, but when they do- the most beautiful and vibrant gardens will spawn from them. and the Gods and angels above will rest with them, and take THEIR time to smell them.

LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES. IT IS AN ENDLESS AND LIVE FORCE. FEED IT