abuse is a horrible tornado
it swoops everything around it and leaves a destroyed and shattered mess
the person dishing the abuse is just as hurt as the one(s) receiving it, and ALL around are affected by it.
this morning, as i was walking my dog in the light rain and listening to Amos Lee sing softly in my ear, i broke from my solitude and witnessed a domestic spat fueled by a domineering man and an insecure, broken woman.
as the man viciously yelled at her that she was ' useless' and a 'piece of shit', while she begged him for sympathy and understanding - i couldn't help but go back in time and remember....
childhood memories of my mother and father in their uber-dysfunctional marriage. generations of alcoholism, drug addiction and abuse to base it off of and grow from. passing each of their own sicknesses one by one, subtly and unknowingly, to all of us around. not evolved enough to understand, nor fix any of it.
The Needle and Damage Done.
there is always going to be a part of me that stands up for the broken ones. the one that tells the abuser that HE or SHE is a weak fuck and needs to check themselves before they destroy all that they love. i do this, knowing that maybe 1 percent of these people may be reached, and that most of what i, or anyone else may say, will most likely go to the wayside. but who are we as a society if we stand by and do or say nothing?
don't we also take on a part of the sickness when we witness and accept it, instead of reject it?
there was such a huge part of me that wanted to just take the fuckin guys motorcycle helmet and crack it upside his head and say to him ' how DARE you talk to her like that. how much of a man are you to stand here at 7am in the morning and degrade yourself and your family like this?' wanting to shake the woman out of her trance and say to her 'FIND LOVE FOR YOURSELF! Find it, so that you don't EVER subject yourself to this kind of bullshit again'
instead, i stood there. across the street from them. watching, to make sure that he wasn't going to hit her. because it is only then, when we are allowed to step in right? only then do we make it our business. i am shamed by my own lack of not doing more. but knowing in my heart that i 1st must protect myself, my child and home. and from experience, cannot risk being thrown in the middle of something that most likely is not going to stop from my meddling.
still, i am shamed.
i have taken the last 3o something years and have focused on figuring out why, where and what makes us dysfunctional people. i understand the core of most of it. and i understand that it is truly a matter of 'only the strong survive'. i have come to acceptance of my own peace within, and have let go of expectations from anyone around me. People are broken out there. The tortured souls that reside with me upon this earth are victims. i feel for each and every one of them. and i am a person of substance enough to have compassion for them all.
i ask any of you that read this to please take one moment, right now, in silence, and ask for stregnth to be sent to those that are trapped in these cycles. SEND STREGNTH
SEND THOSE THAT ARE BROKEN STREGNTH
SEND THOSE THAT ARE LOST DIRECTION
SEND THOSE THAT ARE HURT LOVE
SEND THOSE THAT ARE HURTING PATIENCE
AND SEND THEM ALL LIGHT
one love
GYPCEE
it swoops everything around it and leaves a destroyed and shattered mess
the person dishing the abuse is just as hurt as the one(s) receiving it, and ALL around are affected by it.
this morning, as i was walking my dog in the light rain and listening to Amos Lee sing softly in my ear, i broke from my solitude and witnessed a domestic spat fueled by a domineering man and an insecure, broken woman.
as the man viciously yelled at her that she was ' useless' and a 'piece of shit', while she begged him for sympathy and understanding - i couldn't help but go back in time and remember....
childhood memories of my mother and father in their uber-dysfunctional marriage. generations of alcoholism, drug addiction and abuse to base it off of and grow from. passing each of their own sicknesses one by one, subtly and unknowingly, to all of us around. not evolved enough to understand, nor fix any of it.
The Needle and Damage Done.
there is always going to be a part of me that stands up for the broken ones. the one that tells the abuser that HE or SHE is a weak fuck and needs to check themselves before they destroy all that they love. i do this, knowing that maybe 1 percent of these people may be reached, and that most of what i, or anyone else may say, will most likely go to the wayside. but who are we as a society if we stand by and do or say nothing?
don't we also take on a part of the sickness when we witness and accept it, instead of reject it?
there was such a huge part of me that wanted to just take the fuckin guys motorcycle helmet and crack it upside his head and say to him ' how DARE you talk to her like that. how much of a man are you to stand here at 7am in the morning and degrade yourself and your family like this?' wanting to shake the woman out of her trance and say to her 'FIND LOVE FOR YOURSELF! Find it, so that you don't EVER subject yourself to this kind of bullshit again'
instead, i stood there. across the street from them. watching, to make sure that he wasn't going to hit her. because it is only then, when we are allowed to step in right? only then do we make it our business. i am shamed by my own lack of not doing more. but knowing in my heart that i 1st must protect myself, my child and home. and from experience, cannot risk being thrown in the middle of something that most likely is not going to stop from my meddling.
still, i am shamed.
i have taken the last 3o something years and have focused on figuring out why, where and what makes us dysfunctional people. i understand the core of most of it. and i understand that it is truly a matter of 'only the strong survive'. i have come to acceptance of my own peace within, and have let go of expectations from anyone around me. People are broken out there. The tortured souls that reside with me upon this earth are victims. i feel for each and every one of them. and i am a person of substance enough to have compassion for them all.
i ask any of you that read this to please take one moment, right now, in silence, and ask for stregnth to be sent to those that are trapped in these cycles. SEND STREGNTH
SEND THOSE THAT ARE BROKEN STREGNTH
SEND THOSE THAT ARE LOST DIRECTION
SEND THOSE THAT ARE HURT LOVE
SEND THOSE THAT ARE HURTING PATIENCE
AND SEND THEM ALL LIGHT
one love
GYPCEE
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